Currently, I'm halfway through with the Present Over Perfect study (read more about that here) and it's seriously so good and my group is awesome!! It's actually a difficult study. This isn't lightweight material. If you do it correctly, and by correctly I mean actually do the work and let it affect you, then it forces you to dig down realllly deep. Like, the internal places you don't normally go to unless provoked by a really good speaker or the Holy Spirit. You know what I'm talking about?
Through Shauna's videos and question prompts, you pinpoint your personal struggle area or "besetting sin." Even though I wasn't surprised at what I determined to be my major problem area, the discussion and work that followed was really revealing.
My big sin in sloth.
Gah, I even hate writing it! It's such an unpleasant word unless you imagine a cute little sloth, then it's not so bad.... But back to my point.
habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness.
I get myself in trouble when I take on the attitude of, "Meh. I'd rather not." It comes out in everything from going to the grocery store, to declining leisurely walks with Buddy and Luke, to finishing projects.
It gets me in trouble spiritually because a slothful attitude is kind of the opposite of being a Christ follower. Following Jesus is all action and adventure. Following JJ is "meh. I'd rather not."
It gets me in trouble with my health because instead of putting forth effort into doing (minimal) exercise, cooking healthy food, and making healthy choices, I say, "not this time" and do whatever is easiest.
It gets me in trouble financially because I spend money to start something and then never complete it.
It gets me in trouble with the people in my life because I don't follow through. Not doing what you say you're going to do doesn't make you a good friend to have.
It gets me in trouble in my marriage because I choose to watch tv or stare at my phone when I could be making memories with my family. I'm very thankful for an extremely graceful husband who is willing to lovingly have hard conversations and encourage me!
You see my pattern here? It all goes back to a lack of effort. Why? Why don't I want to put effort into things? Maybe on some level, it's because of my size. It's physically easier to sit and do nothing instead of being in low-level pain from activity. Maybe on another level it's because I'm fearful of failing. Whatever the case may be, it's a terrible way to live and I don't like it.
Luke and I were having a tough conversation the other day. I made the comment, "Some days I win against sloth. Other days I don't. I give into it and say, 'there's no sense in trying because things will never change.' I've been giving in a lot lately."
That conversation plus the Present Over Perfect study plus the India Trip plus the past two messages at church are doing a real number on me right now. I know it's God pushing me forward. I know I'm capable of making changes and I'm ready to do something about it.
What is the opposite of sloth? Effort.
All of this has culminated to asking myself the questions, "what would happen if you tried?" What would happen if you committed to SOMETHING for even just a short period of time? What would happen if you went on a walk every day for a month? What would happen if you tracked the foods that you consumed? What if you actually tracked your calories and worked within a calorie deficit? What would happen??
I don't know! Maybe something awesome!
So. I'm going to try. I'm going to try to be mindful of my choices. I'm going to try to be that person I want to be. Here's to effort.