Let me share a little snapshot of what my life has looked like these past few months:
- House Closing
- Packing / Moving
- Major Deep Cleaning
- An overwhelming need to organize, but not knowing how or where to start
- Unpacking / Can't find what I'm looking for
- Big work events
- Family Time
- Booked up weekends
- Staying Up Late
- Crochet Markets
All of those things listed are good things. Nothing on that list is a tragedy or was a traumatic event. Everything was good and necessary for the time. Amidst all of that busyness, I lost focus, took my eyes off the prize, and honestly quit trying to make healthy decisions. I quit.
I let my circumstances take control and tried to fit my life in between them instead of recognizing that I had complete control the whole time. In my mind busyness is not a bad thing. I like having things going on, events to look forward to, and a list of things to do. I never want to be bored, but sometimes in the midst of the busyness I have the tendency to crumble under the pressure. It's not my favorite character trait.
To supplement my caving in feelings, I typically stop focusing on myself. Instead of becoming laser focuses on my health goals, I put them off telling myself (and others) that "I just need to get through moving..." or "I just need to get past this conference..." or "once my crochet market is behind me..." then I'll get back on track. I just kept putting it off instead of figuring out how to be healthy and stay on plan when I was stressed.
Looking back, I know that I could've been stronger, both mentally and physically. I could've been prepared. I could've stayed away from the candy. It doesn't help to dwell on what I could've / should've done differently, but I can totally learn from it. That's what I'm going to do. I am starting over with perspective.
The truth is that there is always going to be something. Something going on, something good, something bad, something busy. It's naive of me think that the world would give me a break because I'm trying to only focus on one thing. I MUST learn that just because I'm busy and overwhelmed, my health cannot suffer. It actually made everything worse because I felt sick and had less energy.
I'm not proud of the decisions that I made, the weight that I gained back, or the nights where I binged on everything terrible because I couldn't deal with my emotions, but it happened. Now, I have to learn and move on.
Some of you have asked why I haven't been posting regularly or if you've missed a post (always SO flattered when people talk to me in person about my journey and this blog - thank you times a million!). That's where I've been. I've been out of the game and too ashamed to admit it.
I think it will mentally help me if I completely start over. I'm counting this week as Week 0 - Round 2. Here we go! Next Tuesday, you're going to read a blog about how I fought temptations, officially broke off my relationship with dairy, carbs, and sugar, and how good it feels to write about progress. I'm calling it!
I hope that my sharing details of how I quit or pressed the pause button doesn't discourage you, but encourages you to evaluate where you are, look at your circumstances, and tell them that they don't have power over you. -JJ